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MEET SOME EMBARRASSING CANADIANS

 

 

 

Need a little help in selecting The Most Embarrassing Canadian? We have compiled an alphabetical list of just a few embarrassing Canadians – some famous, some relatively unknown, but all truly embarrassing! Let this list be your inspiration, not your limitation – use this list to help you think of any Canadians that are really embarrassing, check out the rules (there aren’t many), and then nominate or vote for your candidate for The Most Embarrassing Canadian. Check back regularly as your nominations are added to The Canadian Hall of Shame!

 

 

 

CANADIAN HALL OF SHAME

 

 

 

 

A

 

Text Box: Dr. Dyane Adam is the Commissioner of Official Languages in Canada, the official watchdog agency that oversees administration of bilingualism in Canada. No telling how much of her $200K salary, $12 million dollar budget, or thirty full-time investigators were wasted on the investigation of Don Cherry’s comments on francophone hockey players, but one voter takes issue with her biased implementation of Canada’s language legislation: “Her department has over 70% Francophones, totally disregarding the most important condition of the Official Languages Act - the Proportionality Principle, which directs that the Federal Public Service should be representative of the linguistic reality of this country. With 22.6% (2001 census) Francophones, mainly concentrated in Quebec, the Public Service is over-representing the French by over 30% across the country!” - KLK DYANE ADAM 19?? –

 

In 2001, the Federal Government decided to give Mandela honorary Canadian citizenship, making him only the second foreigner to receive such an honour. Conservative MP Rob Anders disagreed, calling Mandela, "a communist and a terrorist," decrying Mandela as "the politically correct Left-lib poster boy of today", and predicting that Mandela would be forgotten in 30 years.
Famous for his willingness to reconcile with his oppressors, Mandela attempted to phone Anders to smooth things out, but Anders refused to take the call.
 
ROB ANDERS 1974 –

 

This Ladysmith, B.C. native’s credits include posing nude in playboy, appearing on the jiggle T.V. series Baywatch, marrying has-been rock star Tommy Lee, appearing in pornographic home movies spread across the internet, and setting the feminist movement back a hundred years.
 
PAMELA ANDERSON 1967 –

 

ADRIEN ARCAND 1899 – 1967

Text Box: The “Fuhrer of Quebec”. Arcand was a leader of a Quebec anti-Semitic movement in the thirties and fought against Jewish education and immigration until his death. What history books won’t tell you is that Arcand’s style was the inspiration behind Gomez Adams of “The Adams Family”.

 

 

B

 

Text Box: Andre Bellevance put on an admirable display of social and political suicide when he refused to ship Canadian flags to Canadian war veterans for Remembrance Day, saying he shouldn’t have to as he is a Quebec sovereigntist. The acrimony he has received from Canadians of all political beliefs will pale in comparison to the greeting he will receive from our fallen men and women of the armed forces in the hereafter, if there is any justice.ANDRE BELLEVANCE 1975 –

 

 

Text Box: Todd Bertuzzi dragged Canada’s beloved national sport through the muck with his intentional sucker-punch/pile driving of opposing player Steve Moore in front of horrified fans and TV cameras, breaking Moore’s neck and earning Bertuzzi a suspension from the regular season, playoffs, and possibly more – a punishment applauded by even the rowdiest fan. TODD BERTUZZI 1975 –

 

CONRAD BLACK 1944 –

Text Box: Born into money, Conrad Black took that money and made more money from buying newspapers all over Canada, and with that money he made gobs of money from buying newspapers all over the world, until he had an empire. This was not yet enough for Black – he wanted a title to go with it. When Canadians opposed a foreign government granting rights and titles in their sovereign country and the Canadian government passed a bill to prevent it, Black renounced his Canadian citizenship.  

 

ROBERT L. BORDEN 1854 – 1937

Text Box: Fearing a homeland uprising (or cabbage rolls), Prime Minister Borden interned Ukrainians during World War I.

 

EDGAR BRONFMAN JR. 1955 –

Text Box: This spoiled-rich Seagram’s heir has been squandering his family’s money on a failed attempt to be a movie-maker. Bronfman has been designated “the movie industry’s official idiot”, according to Slate magazine.

 

DR. GERALD BULL 1928 – 1990

Text Box: Dr. Gerald Bull was a notorious Canadian scientist trying to invent a “super gun” capable of lobbing bombs hundreds of kilometers. His client list included Saddam Hussein. He was found murdered in Brussels and many suspected the Israelis, but nobody really minded.

 

MIKE BULLARD 1957 –

Text Box: This late night T.V. blowhard can’t seem to get enough of his own voice, constantly interrupting his guests and laughing at his own jokes. Canadians have had enough, however, as his talk show has been cancelled, retooled, re-debuted, and, mercifully, cancelled again.

 

C

 

JAMES CAMERON 1954 –

Text Box: His cries of, “I am the King of the World” during his Academy Award acceptance speech made the flesh of a nation crawl, and set off a frenzy of activity at the Department for Foreign Affairs aimed at having his citizenship revoked. Americans reacted by saying, “are you sure he isn’t American?”

 

GORDON CAMPBELL 1948 –

Text Box: This Premier of British Columbia embarrassed Lotusland and all of Canada when arrested in Hawaii for drunk driving after having consumed three martinis and “several” glasses of wine. Said the Premier, “I should not have been operating a motor vehicle.” This remarkable grasp of the obvious in hindsight may explain many of Mr. Campbell’s policy decisions, while the remainder can be chalked up to the shooters.

 

JIM CARREY 1962 –

Text Box: This rubber-faced jackass burst onto the comedy scene by talking out of his ass, and his subsequent acting performances were delivered in much the same fashion. Ever see “The Cable Guy”?

 

DON CHERRY 1934 –

 

Text Box: Our favorite Chretienism: “Drugs? I thought you said, ‘Trucks’.” JEAN CHRETIEN 1934 –

 

BOBBY CLARK 1949 –

Text Box: This famed member of the “Broadstreet Bullies” won Stanley Cups in 1974 and 1975, and played for Canada in the fabled 1972 Summit series between Russia and Canada. When he noticed that an opposing player was favouring an ankle, Clark delivered a two handed chop with his stick that knocked the player out of the series and forever associated Canadian hockey with goonery in the eyes of the world.

 

ADRIENNE CLARKSON 1939 –

Text Box: We at TMEC feel that Ms. Clarkson is a bargain in the Canadian, ‘submarines-for-a-steal’ tradition: A Governor General with fifteen capitol letters behind her name (Her Excellency the Right Honourable Adrienne Clarkson, C.C., C.M.M., C.O.M., C.D., Governor General and Commander-in-Chief of Canada – that’s $1.27 million per letter!), plus we get a famous intellectual and writer included at no extra cost! Canadians have been voting for Ms. Clarkson in droves. LP from Calgary writes: “…we lowly Canadians have no say whatsoever about how long she continues to feed at the trough of over-indulgence…I was particularly impressed with the cost of her sojourn to the other “circumpolar” countries [$5.3 million! – TMEC Ed.], where she traveled with an entourage of 59 hangers-on to conduct…“a vigorous exchange of ideas and culture affirming and strengthening our shared northern identity”. What? Oh yeah, they also took some Canadian wine to share, too…”

 

 

 

 

 

 

BRUCE COCKBURN 1945 –

 

STEVEN COJOCARU 1962 –

Text Box: This T.V. fashion pundit came from nowhere and, if he is wise, has hung onto to his return ticket. His fashion advice will go over big at Le Chateau.

 

SHEILA COPPS 1952 –

 

D

 

STOCKWELL DAY 1950 –

Text Box: When one recalls the image of Stockwell Day clad in his tight, shiny, blue wetsuit roaring up to the beach on his jet ski to greet the press, it is easy to forget that this one-time Reform party federal leadership hopeful is antiabortion, anti sex education, anti gun-control, and has worked to have books censored from schools. He is also none-too-bright and eager to talk to the press: "…what the CBC needs is an injection of capitol, so they should sell shares to Canadians." - Stockwell Day, speaking with press about the media corporation owned by all Canadians.

 

 

JOHN DIEFENBAKER 1895 – 1976

Text Box: John Diefenbaker was an admirable prime minister whose achievements included appointing Canada’s first female Cabinet Minister and the Bill of Rights of 1958. Then he knuckled under to the USA’s pressure to join their strategic missile defense program and astutely cancelled the Avro Arrow project, robbing Canada of having the world’s most technologically advanced air force and its rightful place at the forefront of aerospace technology.

 

CELINE DION 1968 –

Text Box: Celine Dion burst on the scene in 1988 when she won the Eurovision Song Contest, so Europe is partly to blame. Celine went on to become one of the most successful purveyors of saccharine schmaltz in the world, taking Las Vegas by storm and inflicting the world with that damned Titanic song, which is now required by law to be played at every Canadian funeral.

 

JAMES DOOHAN 1920 –

Text Box: Along with shipmate William Shatner and Lorne Greene, James Doohan was part of the “Canadian Invasion” of the sixties, a crazy time in history when schmaltzy overacting and a pot-belly was a Canadian actor’s ticket to fame and fortune.

 

FRANCOISE DUCROS 19?? –

 

E

 

ALAN EAGLESON 1933 –

Text Box: St. Catherines, Ontario lawyer, agent, and first Executive Director of NHL Players Association, Alan Eagleson managed the Team Canada vs. Soviet series in 1972. He was caught with his hand in the cookie jar and charged with racketeering and defrauding NHLPA in 1994. Sentenced to 18 months in jail after pleading guilty, he only served 6 months. Eagleson resigned from the Hockey Hall of Fame in 1998.

 

 

REBECCA ECKLER 19?? –

 

MOHAMED ELMASRY 1943 –

This Canadian Professor and Muslim leader backed up faster than Michael Jackson doing the moonwalk after Canadians reacted to his anti-Semitic comments with outrage. Mr. Elmasry took the occasion of his appearance on a television talk show to justify the killing of any Israeli citizen over the age of eighteen.
 

 

F

 

STEVE FONYO 1965 –

Text Box: Fonyo’s “Journey for Life” run across Canada raised in excess of thirteen million dollars to fund cancer research, and in 1987, he was awarded the Order of Canada. He then went on an alcohol and drug fueled crime spree that resulted in sixteen charges, including assault with a weapon, fraud, theft, and firearms offences.

 

BRENDAN FRASER 1967 –

 

DAVID FRUM 1960 –

 

 

Text Box: MP Hedy Fry played the racism card in the House of Commons by claiming of her rural constituents that, "crosses are being burned as we speak." As it turned out, not a single incident of cross burning had ever occurred in her riding, and her constituents felt “pretty good” about issues of racial relations. HEDY FRY 1941 –

 

G

 

JAMES GAY 1810 – 1891

Text Box: This self-proclaimed Poet-Laureate of Canada felt he was the next Alfred Lord Tennyson, and wrote him letters to tell him so. He was possibly the worst writer in the history of the written word. Don’t take our word for it: “I came on Earth a natural born poet, And for the good of fellow –men the world shall know it; My talents received are too bright understand, Even to be buried in the sand.”

 

TOM GREEN 1971 –

 

 

H

 

MONTY HALL 1921 –

Text Box: Born Maurice Halprin, Monty Hall was the host of 'Let's Make A Deal' and 'The Joke's On Us', and had many Americans thinking of Canada as a land of donkeys behind curtains.

 

Stephen Harper is the co-founder of the Conservative Alliance and self appointed ambassador to the United States: During the most recent Iraq war, he and Stockwell Day took it upon themselves to write an article in the American Wall Street Journal apologizing (on your behalf) for Canada’s refusal to participate.

When not kissing up to our neighbors to the south, Mr. Harper has been busy mending fences with our Native American brothers and sisters. He sent a letter to Native American leaders congratulating them on the anniversary of Indian independence. Unfortunately, it was actually the celebration of India’s independence from Great Britain.
 
STEPHEN HARPER 1959 –

 

 

 

CORY HART 1962 –

Text Box: Icon of the eighties. Cory Hart’s song Sunglasses at Night was an instant classic, along with his other songs…um, what was that one…it had the thing with the thing? You know… Recently, Hart proved to have remained a guilty favorite, as thousands of fans attended his series of comeback concerts, and didn’t tell their friends.

 

DARR HEATHERINGTON 1964 –

Text Box: This Lethbridge City Alderman went missing in Great Falls, Montana while on a business trip and later turned up in Las Vegas claiming to have been drugged, abducted, and raped. This later turned out to be a cover story for a dirty weekend, and American authorities considered pressing charges against her for wasting their time. She was most recently found guilty in an Alberta court, charged with public mischief for stalking herself.

 

Text Box: Without a doubt, Doug Henning was the”World’s Best Disco Hippy Magician”, whose best trick was bilking Canadian grant money to start a Broadway act The Magic Show. In 1994 Henning returned to Canada to run for parliament on a platform of flying yogis. "If I can make an elephant disappear, I can make the deficit disappear." DOUG HENNING 1947 – 2000

 

DANIELLE HOUSE 1976 –

 

Text Box: Despite having a reputation of being an imperialist, religious bigot, in 1911, Hughes was appointed as Canada’s Minister of Militia and Defense, to the chagrin of French-Canadians. When WWI broke out, he oversaw recruitment, training, and dispatch of Canadian forces. Unfortunately, he was also in charge of outfitting the soldiers, and stubbornly insisted on the Ross rifle, despite expert advice and battlefield testimony that the Ross rifle performed poorly in trench conditions and was prone to locking. When word got back to Ottawa that Canadian soldiers were losing their lives because of the rifle, and were regularly seen to throw down the weapons in exchange for the better Enfield rifles of fallen British comrades, Hughes was ultimately dismissed in 1916. SAM HUGHES 1853 – 1921

 

 

 

 

 

I

 

J

 

Text Box: When he won the gold medal in the 1988 Seoul Olympics and broke the world record in the process, we cheered. When he tested positive for steroids, we were crushed. When he kept trying to clear his name and make comeback attempts, we were embarrassed. And when he raced a horse, we didn’t know what to think. His last race was in 2000 in Rome, where he was outran by pickpockets who stole his wallet. BEN JOHNSON 1961 –

 

LYNN JOHNSON 19?? –

 

K

 

ALVIN KARPIS 1908 – 1979

 

 

JIM KEEGSTRA 19?? –

Text Box: Anti-Semite who taught his high school students than the holocaust never really happened. Mr. Keegstra’s class was probably rather easy: J.K.: Class, who can tell me what happened in Europe during the late thirties and early forties? Student: Well, certainly not the systematic extermination of millions of Jews! Another ‘A’ student…

 

MARGO KIDDER 1948 –

Text Box: Definitive proof that Superman is gay.

 

WILLIAM L.M. KING 1874 – 1950

Text Box: This Prime Minister interned Japanese Canadians during WWII, including those that had been born in Canada. Many Japanese Canadians are still fighting for reparations for lost homes, possessions, and freedom.

.

 

Text Box: No other politician has worked harder to earn a spot in the Canadian Hall of Shame lately than Ralph Klein. When you consider his philanthropic work at shelters for the homeless, his attempts to dismantle universal health care, or his comments on the mad cow crisis, plus his tireless work eroding womens’ access to legal abortion, it is amazing he has found the time to provide big business with tax breaks while reducing social benefits for lower income families. RALPH KLEIN 1942 –

 

L

 

K.D. LANG 1961 –

Text Box: The pride of Consort, Alberta burst onto the charts with her powerful vocals and quirky brand of ‘cow-punk’ and then promptly used her new-found fame to meddle with the incomes of everyone back home, denouncing beef consumption and cattle production in an aggressive nation-wide campaign.

 

MEL LASTMAN 1933 –

The former mayor of Toronto often shot off his mouth to the delight of the media and the dismay of his constituents. High-lights include calling in the army to shovel sidewalks, denying homelessness in North York, calling the Premier of Ontario a “liar”, and expressing concern about being boiled by cannibals prior to a trade mission to Africa.
 

 

AVRIL LAVIGNE 1984 –

This former country-music-singing ingénue from Napanee, Ontario continues to push her hardcore image, despite popular knowledge that she is as packaged as Britney, Ashleigh, or any of the other over-produced pop princesses she claims to despise. If your daughters are sporting tank-tops, neckties, and plumber-butt, you have Avril to thank.
 

 

NANCY LEE 19?? –

 

ERIC LINDROS 1973 –

Text Box: Many people trace the start of the NHL’s decline to this bratty hockey player’s refusal to play for the team that drafted him (the Quebec Nordiques). His 17 subsequent concussions prove that the Gods of Hockey agree with them.

 

RICH LITTLE 1938 –

Text Box: “Believe you me, Rich, people will always love impressions…get a good Johnny Carson, a John Wayne, and you are set…” Is it just us, or does every one of his impressions sound like Bugs Bunny?

 

 

M

 

ASHLEY MACISSAC 1975 –

 

 

RYAN MALCOLM 1977 –

 

Text Box: Mandel got his start insulting the intelligence of audiences at Yuk-Yuks across Canada, and has never done anything since, save ensure we will never go to Boston Pizza again. HOWIE MANDEL 1955 –

 

PRESTON MANNING 1942 –

Text Box: Did this guy really think sensible Canadians would want a cross between Mr. Dressup and Howdy Doody representing us on the international stage?

 

MARTY MCSORLEY 1963 –

Text Box: Marty McSorley’s hatchet-style stick attack on opposing player Donald Brashear ruined an otherwise respectable career, Brashear’s night, and hockey for many fans.

 

Text Box: Kim Mitchell has had six gold records, four platinum records, one double platinum record, one triple platinum record, and, for a time, made guys think it was okay to sport spandex and a skullet. KIM MITCHELL 1952 –

 

ALANIS MORRISETTE 1974 –

 

BEN MULRONEY 1976 –

Text Box: Popular voting has launched Ben Mulroney into the running, and forming the only father-son team on the list. We are not sure what qualifies this chip-off-the-old-chin to come into our homes and annoy us each day during his plethora of Canadian television appearances, but we are certain it isn’t the twelve kajillion dollars his dad didn’t steal from Canadians. 

 

BRIAN MULRONEY 1939 –

Text Box: While Prime minister, Brian Mulroney screwed Canadians by bungling through two constitutional accords and almost fracturing the country, introducing the Goods and Services Tax, Free Trade, and NAFTA, and other alleged misdeeds. After leaving office, Brian Mulroney screwed Canadians again by suing us for twelve kajillion dollars for trying to investigate the other alleged misdeeds. The Canadian government settled out of court.  

 

ANNE MURRAY 1945 –

 

N

 

JAMES NAISMITH 1861 – 1939

 

 

O

 

P

 

CAROLYN PARRISH 1946 –

 

Q

 

R

 

RAEL 1946 –

Text Box: This former French racecar driver and cult leader announced the first successful human cloning by his pack of loonies, but was never able to provide any proof. “Well, he looks like me…”

 

KEANU REAVES 1964 –

Text Box: From his dismal performance as Jonathan Harker in Bram Stocker’s Dracula to making Shakespeare turn over in his grave with his feeble attempt at Hamlet to his ubiquitous use of the word, “whoa”, Keanu Reaves had assured himself of a spot in the Canadian Hall of Shame before his 40th birthday, and still has a long career of being a blight on the craft of acting ahead of him.

 

SVEND ROBINSON 1955 –

 

 

S

 

PAUL SCHAFFER 1949 –

Text Box: This talented musical director prostrates himself nightly as David Letterman’s suckboot, often dressed as a small, bald, pink rodent sent from the future.

 

ANDY SCOTT 1955 –

Text Box: Scott made a mockery of two dearly held Canadian characteristics – propriety and discretion. The then Solicitor-General of Canada openly blabbed to fellow passengers on a flight to Fredericton that “the fix was in” on the APEC inquiry, and that the Royal Canadian Mounted Police would take the fall for the gratuitous pepper-spraying of peaceful protesters at the University of British Columbia on Nov. 25, 1997. Needless to say, he is now Canada’s Former Solicitor General.
 


 

 

WILLIAM SHATNER 1931 –

 

 

FRANK SHUSTER 1916 – 2002

 

 

JOE SHUSTER 1914 – 1992

 

TED SIMONETT 1953 –

Ted Simonett plays the helpful Canadian Tire guy who always shows up at the right time with just the right tool. Pleasant, handsome in a non-threatening way, good with the kids, and handy around the house, Ted (also the character’s name) is the sort of guy who has the new, laser-leveled, circular-saw you need, and is willing to lend it to you. Nothing in life is as it seems, however. If Ted is so eager to lend you a tool, he is probably sleeping with your wife. Ted has a strict no-interview clause that Canadian Tire hopes will help you believe Ted is a real guy, and not an actor. Rumour has it he is contractually bound to keep the vaguely homo-erotic beard, as well.
 

 

STEVE SMITH 1946 –

 

KARL SOUCEK 1947 – 1985

 

LARRY SPENCER 1942 –

Text Box: Canadian Alliance MP and Family Issues Critic. This U.S.-born former Baptist pastor said that gays were recruiting boys right out of locker rooms, but that it would not be happening if Trudeau had not legalized homosexuality in 1969.

 

STAFF SGT. HUGH STEWART 19?? –

 

 

HARRY STRANGER 18?? – 19??

 

T

 

ALAN THICKE 1947 –

Text Box: Did you know that Alan Thicke began his career as a writer, then went on to be an actor, producer, author, and emcee, and earned seven “Emmy Award” nominations? Of course not. But, as Growing Pains in syndicated in over 65 countries, he is known worldwide as that annoying Canadian. As if that weren’t bad enough, Thicke also wrote the theme song to The Facts of Life.

 

PIERRE ELLIOT TRUDEAU 1919 – 2000

 

MARGARET TRUDEAU 1948 –

Text Box: She married a man old enough to be her, well, older brother, then causing a national scandal by stepping out with the Rolling Stones, smoking pot, and partying at Studio 51, all in full view of the press.

 

U

 

V

 

GINO VANELLI 1952 –

Text Box: Gino Vanelli was last popular when skinny ties and stirrup pants were hip, and, like them, still enjoy popularity in small towns and bowling alleys across the nation.

 

W

 

Text Box: As half of the Wayne and Shuster Show, he tortured Canadians (and probably France, too) with his corny comedy stylings for an incredible thirty-three years. Johnny Wayne started out his life as Lou Weingarten, and ended up, well, dead.JOHNNY WAYNE 1918 – 1990

 

 

X

 

Y

 

Z

 

ERNST ZUNDEL 1940 –

 

 

 

  

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